There is this idea in spirituality that everything revolves around one thing. It's the answer to every ailment, the truth of every experience, and the very fabric of our reality. The center of our universe has long been speculated to be love. Not just the romantic notion of being in love, but the aspects of feeling safe, cared for and nurtured. Love is the reason that we exist and when I was navigating the first six years of my own spiritual journey, I thought that was a load of bullshit.
I lived for quite a few years understanding that love was important to our existence as human beings, but believing that saying love is the reason for, and answer to everything is a toxic escape from the truth of reality. From my perspective, I saw that we lived in a world with different dimensions of suffering. This world is not made of sunshine and rainbows, although it does have them. That was my take on love! To my younger eyes, this world contained love and we could experience love here, but it was not, by any means, made of love. If it were, such ugly, dark, awful things wouldn't happen and would not go unseen by the universe (god, source, etc.). But that's what it felt like to me. I honestly believed that if love were the center of our existence, the reason for our seasons, this world would be a little bit more reflective of that love. It never occurred to me that life might reflect back to me the very reality that I believe in.
At that point in my life, love didn't feel entirely safe or guaranteed. Love felt like perfection and thus was wholly unattainable in this world, to a certain degree. Sure, there are moments and pockets of love for us here and there, but to me, there just simply wasn't enough to prove that this universe was made entirely of love. Life was imperfect, therefore so was love. Sure, I believed that the universe loved me but I also knew that I was suffering in many ways that didn't feel like love, which made all of this even that much harder for me to grasp.
If you can't tell already from reading this far, I am a bit skeptical for someone who has devoted her young adult life to studying mediumship, death, the afterlife, and spiritual existence. I am not entirely woo woo as I do tend to lean toward logical reasoning, but I see skepticism as a chance to further deepen my beliefs and logic. The way I see it is that if I can prove to the parts of me that are innately logical that there is a much grander, more perfect, and intelligent force supporting human life, then I will be someone who can believe with her entire being. So, to me, a little bit of open-minded skepticism is healthy because it gives us the opportunity to strengthen our faith.
At some point in my mid-twenties, my skepticism got unhealthy and I became a bit disheartened thanks to some really awful relationship experiences. A part of me always wanted to believe that love was the fabric of our universe, knowing on some theoretical level that it was true, that perhaps my soul wouldn't let me forget! But the events in my life kept reinforcing the opposite perspective. Why did I continue to reach for love, only to end up with mere crumbs? Why were my biggest dreams and aspirations so far away, every attempt to reach them feeling futile? I clearly had a bone to pick with love.
Fast forward to now, as I am currently experiencing what I can only see as an awakening to the truth of love. It is no longer just a skeptical idea, but an emerging truth in my reality. One that is supported by my willingness to see it. But it wasn't just my willingness that altered my perception of reality and the fabric of it, it was also a lot of patience and trust. You see, I had to build a new relationship with love. I had to rewire myself and rewrite the story through new experiences that only time could grant me. I had to keep putting one foot in front of the other, knowing that I was on a journey and it was important I continue with hope.
This is where something deeper and more innate kicked in. I believe that because the fabric of reality, existence, and the universe are made of love, that means we human beings (spirit + physical hybrids) are also made of love and if we are, at our very core, made of love, then it is merely something we must learn how to become more of. That's it! If we, within ourselves are love, then the journey is one of leaning deeper into that part of our being and experience. In other words, we don't have to learn how to become love because we already are. We just have to create the space within us to understand that we are naturally love and that our journey is one of uncovering it within ourselves.
This opened me up to the hefty realization that all those years I spent perceiving my reality and the universe as punishing me or being the authoritative figure that decides whether or not I am worthy, was just a reflection of the conditions I grew up in as a human in this one life, not a reflection of the conditions I was created from as a spiritual being. When I began to realize that my view of the universe as the ultimate authoritarian parent of my reality had led me to taint my experiences with fear and defensiveness, I also realized that life didn't need to prove love's existence to me. I just needed to adjust my perspective so that I could see it in the infinite ways that it shows up. It was time for me to repair my relationship with the universe and to fully trust that it can love me more than humans can.
That's where my need for time and patience showed up. The human brain and psyche are very complex and it often takes some time and consistent practice for such fundamental shifts to be made within. Once I began to realize that the universe was indeed made entirely of love and that I was innately worthy of it, I then had to allow myself to witness those truths in any and every way that I could. That's mainly why I decided to write on this topic today. Because there is no single moment when I truly began to believe that everything was happening to bring me closer to love. It was many tiny moments and some big ones when I saw the opportunity in the shadows of life. Opportunity to bring me that much closer to love by choosing to see, experience, and operate through the lens of love rather than the lens of fear.
This is by no means an easy task. As humans, we are hardwired with instincts that are anchored in fear, and quite often these instincts protect us. But in modern times when a lot of our threats are internal, the fear only perpetuates a point of view that does more harm than good. Fear that keeps us from experiencing the truth of the universe, which is that we are incredibly loved and worthy, simply because we are here. Simply because we exist. When we feel deceived by the universe because something challenging or devastating falls on our doorstep, we are perceiving the universe as intentionally hurting us, which does not feel like love. But when we train ourselves to trust that the universe is only coming from a place of love, that all of the happenings in our lives are rooted in the intention to create more love or bring us closer to the love that we already know, we begin to shift our energy. We begin to allow more space for love to be trusted.
This isn't me trying to convince you that everything that has ever happened to you, no matter how awful and traumatic, was out of love. That was my original problem with this line of thinking and operating. It goes against my bones to invalidate the human emotional experience and suggesting that someone's pain was sent to them out of love has the potential to do so. That is why I am adamant that everyone must get here in their own time, by working through their own unique experiences and learning how to hold both human emotions and the spiritual truth of what they have gone through. Our human emotions deserve to hear that the horrible things we have gone through were horrible and that we didn't deserve to suffer in any way. Acknowledging the disappointment and suffering of life is what validates the human psyche. Finding a way to hold space for deeper, more profound spiritual truths without invalidating your emotional needs is true enlightenment, in my opinion.
My journey of giving up fear as a compass and leaning into love has looked a lot like trying to kick an addictive habit. Seeing life and the universe through the lens of fear is like smoking a pack of cigarettes a day for me. At the moment it satisfies so I can turn a blind eye to the harm, but eventually, it builds up and affects my health. Operating from fear as my default setting has also made it harder for me to appreciate and lean into the love that is already in my life, not to mention my desire to expand that love in new directions. My goals in life involve trusting that love is at the center of it all because my goals involve experiencing the most beautiful, magical, and loving life that I possibly can, and the only way that I can believe that I am allowed to ask for that (let alone receive it) is by believing that some intelligent, loving force greater than I wants that for me and wants to help me get there.
As soon as we start to see the universe as an authoritative force, we lose the loving, benevolent force that can help us truly get to the biggest, most loving versions of our life. Not because it won't help us because we believe in fear, but because our fearful perceptions limit the flow of love in our being which makes it harder for the loving universe to move through us and into the creation of our reality. We lose the loving power of the universe just a little bit when we struggle to believe in it, simply because we are not creating a loving environment within ourselves to anchor into its true power.
In order to truly benefit from the love that surrounds and is us, we must be open to seeing it everywhere we go. We must focus on its existence, even when it's challenging or damn near impossible. Especially when it feels impossible. Because that is how you prove it to yourself! By finding the moments when it is most dark, trusting in the rising sun, and staying present to watch that sun show up and prove the dark wrong, showing us that it was only a moment of darkness with a purpose of its own, not the truth of the universe. You learn to trust love and the universe by allowing yourself to see more and more miracles that blow your mind. By holding space for those miracles to show up and prove the part of you that assumed defeat wrong. Every single moment that you realize you are operating from fear or pain is an opportunity to shift to love and, if anything, to just give it a shot and hope for a better outcome.
As I wrap up this piece, I am reflecting on the feelings of release that it brought me to say these words. I have been on a journey of discovering and advocating for love since I was born, but I have only recently decided to do so with conscious intention. Several books and pieces in which others describe similar thoughts and journeys have found their way to me recently, almost as if the universe knows that it is time for me to be more conscious of love and how I work with it. Or rather, how I allow it to work for me. Why is the universe helping me to guide myself even deeper into love? Because the universe loves me and wants me to feel more at ease. It wants me to feel more supported and loved, and it wants to inspire me to create more love for myself and others. The universe wants these things simply because it is love.
We only discover and know what we know when we are most ready to consciously receive that knowledge. My journey of love is only beginning, although it feels like it is bursting open in a way it never has before. I believe that there will always be more ways to hold, experience, and understand love. Perhaps even infinite ways! For I know that the universe is made solely of love and intends only to create and nurture love, and the universe is infinite. So, my dear friends, doesn't that say all we need to hear? To me that says that love, just like the universe that vibrates only with love, is infinite. Making my ability to bring it even more into my existence, well, just as infinite. All I have to do is see it that way.
So, I suppose that they were always right when they said it. Love truly is the answer!
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