The Illusion of Unworthiness

I have been thinking a lot lately about worthiness. What it means, where it comes from, what it feels like, and why it's so damn hard to believe that I am worthy. True to human form, I struggle to know my own worthiness. I'm sure that I have always struggled with this since I was very young, but I am only now beginning to realize, as an adult, that my inability to truly believe in my own worthiness impedes just about everything that I try to build and become. Why does our perceived unworthiness keep us from being able to fling open the doors of true growth in our lives and walk right through, like nothing is stopping us? Because unworthiness tells us that we don't deserve those doors and that, if we walk through, we will be stopped and thrown out. Unworthiness tells us that we don't belong.

Unworthiness is like an invisible prison, one that we don't even realize we are being held captive by. It can deter our wildest dreams from alchemizing into our reality, seemingly without our consent. Feeling unworthy is something that comes naturally to us humans. Our egos are prone to judgment and fear, which places us in our woundedness and inflames the pain of separation that we feel as human beings. We perceive our inner pain and fearful judgments as being exterior to us, compounding a painful illusion: we fear that we are not enough.

There is much to be said about why we are so addicted to subconsciously viewing ourselves as unworthy. It comes from the ways in which we experienced our entry into this world (gestation + birth) and learned about ourselves and the world from our caregivers and roots. This branches off into a whole other conversation but basically, we are hardwired to feel somewhat inadequate and less deserving than others. It is an innate human struggle to see our own brilliance, compared to the ways in which we so freely interpret worthiness outside of us, such as in those we love.

Our existence in a physical world, where everything we do, feel, and perceive ourselves to be is completely separate from others, is starkly different than the spiritual world that we come from. In spirit form, free from the physical dimensions that limit us and the heaviness that exists here, we are all interconnected by love and we share in the harmony of our collective existence and movement. Here in the physical world, we perceive ourselves to be alone and separate from others because we have our own bodies, our own minds, and our own realities, in which we are the sole creators. That can get so lonely and challenging for our souls to do alone while we are here, which is why we have relationships. It is because of our connections with others that we find mirrors in this world, moments when another human reflects back to us our divinity and our humanness, reminding us that we are all one in the same and in this together, despite what the logical mind decrees.

So, as you can see, it is natural that we feel separate from time to time. It is okay and valid that we are prone to feeling unworthy of what is outside of us, because at times we are blinded by the perception that we are separate from and not connected, on deep energetic levels, to what is outside of us. It is not because of who we are that we perceive ourselves as unworthy, but because of who we struggle to see ourselves as. 

If only we could see ourselves fully as the beautiful spiritual essence that we are. As the being that is a ball of pure loving energy, a beautiful iridescence shining outward like the stars in the sky. But, my friends, it is not our fault that we cannot see ourselves fully in that way! We are part human, remember? We have an ego and human instincts, such as logic, designed for this world and the dangers it inhabits. That part of us may always struggle to fully live in the light, and that is okay. That is why we are here, for the contrast and the challenge that our human journey entails. The harder we have to work to make out our spiritual essence in this world, the more important and true it becomes.

We may never fully believe, forever and ever, that we are worthy. We may always have our human moments when we naturally fall into a pattern of viewing ourselves as unworthy of that which we need or desire. Becoming a perfect human cyborg that never feels wounded is not the goal (or reality) here, at all! Rather, the goal of healing is to wake up every day and commit to the awareness that you must remind yourself you are worthy to believe it, and you must believe it to see it all around you. It is important to actively remember that you must treat yourself as worthy to receive what you want to be worthy of. And the ONLY person, being, or force that gets to decide how worthy you are of anything is you. Because it isn't about deciding whether or not you are worthy, it is all about remembering that there has never been a nanosecond that you were not.

This is easier said than done, of course, just as everything truly is. But that doesn't mean it is out of your reach by any means. Finding and committing to a perspective of self-worthiness is a journey of peeling back layer upon layer of the negative experiences that have reinforced your perspective of unworthiness and the deep-seated beliefs that are so quick to support doing so. It's about having the awareness, bravery, and compassion to be with yourself in the moments where you perceive unworthiness and shame within your being and decide to see your innate worthiness instead of what your fears and wounds are trying to convince you of. It's about holding yourself in such unflinching love that even the deepest pools of shame within your being will eventually dry up.

The first step to healing an unworthiness wound is to always hold yourself in loving compassion, especially when you find yourself unconsciously treating yourself as unworthy. This is perhaps the most important part of worthiness healing because it is the simplest way to prove to yourself by being and doing, just how worthy you are. If you see yourself as worthy and deserving of being held in love and compassion, especially when you perceive yourself to have 'dropped the ball', well, my friends, there is nothing outside of you that is going to argue with that. This is true because the way that we love ourselves and hold space for ourselves to make errors and blunders opens up precious space for others to love us the same way. Including the universe and the physical reality around you!

So, I am here to tell you that it is possible to heal these wounded parts of your being. Find small ways to truly believe in your own worthiness today and I guarantee that the universe will start to reflect it back to you, tenfold. Because not only are you innately worthy and deserving of all things loving, joyful, and wonderful, but I am learning that those things are always way closer to you than you think. 

May you find the safety and courage to see yourself as worthy of all you desire and more, and may your own love for yourself grow deeper and deeper with every passing day! Something tells me it already is.

Photo by Casey Horner via Unsplash